


Scriddler Drabbles

by lfthinkerwrites



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Comedy, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Romance, These two dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2019-09-02 23:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 5,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16796590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lfthinkerwrites/pseuds/lfthinkerwrites
Summary: A collection of drabbles centering on Scriddler.





	1. I Thought I Knew What Love Was

Harley knew before anyone else did that Jonny and Eddie loved each other, even before Jonny and Eddie themselves did.

She had been a psychologist after all.

It was easy to see the looks of longing on Eddie’s face, whenever he thought Jonny wasn’t looking. It was easy to see how he would constantly approach the other man when they were in Arkham together, or when they were out in Gotham. Eddie was usually dismissive about teaming up with another Rogue, but he’d actively seek out Jonny, even knowing how stand-offish he was. 

With Jonny, it was admittingly harder. Jonny never gave anything away, but in time, Harley could see how when Eddie wasn’t looking, Jonny would look his way too. She could see how slowly, but surely, Jonny let Eddie into his world. 

And one day, she saw them hidden away in a corner of the Arkham library, speaking over an old book in low tones. Harley couldn’t hear their words, but she could see their faces, how genuinely happy Eddie looked, how cold and impassive Jonny looked, but how he gently tucked an errant lock of Eddie’s hair behind his ear with a gnarled finger. 

And Harley was happy but heartbroken. Because as happy as she was for her friends, she could see how gently they looked at each other and how much they loved each other.

And how they loved each other more than her puddin’ had ever loved her.


	2. A Spat and a Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan finds a creative way to shut Edward up.

“Will you hurry up?”

“Don’t rush me!” Edward hissed, pausing from where he was fiddling with the Wayne Tech security panel to glare at Jonathan. “This is delicate work! Not all of us can solve our problems by spraying fear toxin at them!”

“I’ll be spraying you with fear toxin the rest of your days if you get us caught, Nigma,” Jonathan growled at the man before turning behind to make sure that there were no guards approaching. Joker’s latest stunt brought an excellent opportunity to escape from Arkham. Unfortunately, Jonathan had accounted for running into Nigma when he was in one of his ornery moods. 

Nigma stopped what he was working on and glared at Jonathan again. “Is that so? Well then, you are more than welcome to find your own way out! Don’t wait around on my account! I’m not exactly in the market for a new henchman anyway, especially not one who dresses like he came off a Michael’s shelf! The absolute nerve-”

Footsteps from down the hall alerted Jonathan to the presence of someone else. It could be another inmate trying to escape, an orderly trying to hide from the chaos or a guard. Either way, Nigma was making far too much noise. “Shut up,” Jonathan said.

“Don’t you tell me to shut up, Crane!” Nigma almost shouted.

Goddammit. Without thinking, Jonathan shut Nigma up by covering his mouth with his own. Nigma made a surprised yelp, but offered…no resistance. Interesting. The footsteps faded away and Jonathan almost reluctantly pulled away. Nigma’s face was bright red and his green eyes were blown wide. 

“The panel?” Jonathan asked.

Nigma looked confused, then his face resumed its usual color. “Right! The panel! I’m just about done!” Nigma went back to work, quickly and quietly. It was a nice change.


	3. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical date with Jon and Ed.

It shouldn’t have worked, but somehow, Jonathan and Edward had managed to rob the Gotham Metropolitan Art Museum, evade the police, and douse Batman with Jonathan’s latest batch of fear toxin. Jonathan’s blood was still running warm in his veins as he and Edward made their dash from the emergency exit of the museum to the getaway van that was parked in an alleyway two blocks from the museum. 

Edward reached the van first, stopping for a moment to catch his breath. Then he tilted his head back and began to laugh. “That, Dearest, was the most triumphant heist I’ve ever had!” He turned to face Jonathan, a smug look on his face. “And to think, you didn’t want to do this at first! You wanted to spend the night in the basement! Aren’t you glad you listened to me?”

Perhaps it was the adrenaline coursing through his veins, perhaps the memory of seeing Batman at the mercy of his toxin, perhaps it was how stunning Edward looked when he was happy and still panting for breath, but Jonathan found himself consumed with an overwhelming need to kiss him. And so he did, pressing Edward against the side of the van and claiming his mouth in a bruising kiss. Edward barely had time to pull away for breath before Jonathan was on him again.

They parted finally, and the look on Edward’s face and his slightly swollen lips made Jonathan want to take him right there in the alleyway. “Well,” Edward said breathlessly. “Remind me to drag you along on heists more often.”

Jonathan chuckled and grabbed Edward by the hips. “Just you wait until we get home, darlin’.”


	4. "Is There a Reason You're Naked in My Bed?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan was born sick of this shit.

Jonathan had only been back in the one bedroom abandoned apartment that passed as his home for five minutes, but he was already sick of this shit. He took a deep breath through his nose and counted to five before addressing the unwanted intruder. “Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

Edward smirked up at him, naked as the day he was born, stretching his arms up over his head to ensure that Jonathan had a full view of his anatomy. “Because,” he said as if he was speaking to an idiot. “I’m trying to seduce you.”

Jonathan took another deep breath and willed himself to look at his feet and _not_ at the naked man. “And why are you trying to seduce me?”

Edward raised an eyebrow in surprise, then chuckled and Jonathan was _not_ looking at his chest, thank you very much. “You’re the psychology professor. Correction, former psychology professor. Why do you think I’m trying to seduce you?”

Jonathan felt a flush creep over his face. Then he willed himself to calm down and he looked Edward straight into his irritating, smug, _gorgeous_ eyes. “I think you’re just begging for a dose of fear toxin.”

Edward chuckled again. “If you were going to dose me, you’d have done so by now, instead of staring at my quite attractive body.” He sat himself up a bit and beckoned Jonathan over to him with a movement of his finger. “Unless of course,” he said in a low tone, “You meant that as a euphemism for something else.”

Jonathan made no attempt to hide the flush on his face. “No,” he said, turning around and walking back towards his front door. “I’m either drunk or dreaming and either way, I am not dealing with this right now.” He shut the door behind him and ran down the stairs, ignoring the put out shout Edward let out in his wake.


	5. A Smile

“…And then, the Joker had the nerve to suggest that I ripped off his wardrobe? Can you believe it? As if that jumped up thug could afford my tailor, let alone my suits! Jonathan? Are you listening to me?”

Jonathan had stopped listening to his cellmate at least twenty minutes ago actually. “Absolutely not,” he answered, not looking up from his old book.

Edward huffed. “Well, anyway, I couldn’t let that stand of course. So when he wasn’t looking, I ate his donut.”

Jonathan put his book down. “You…did what?”

Edward puffed out his chest. “I ate his donut. I made sure he could see me do it too. I ate it in three bites. You should have seen his face!”

Jonathan could just imagine it. He felt his lips quirk up in a grin, despite himself. As soon as it came though, it was gone

“Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?”

Of course, Edward would comment on it. “I most certainly did not,” Jonathan said, not deigning to make eye contact. “I was merely imagining the terror I will subject you to if you don’t shut your damn mouth.”

Much to Jonathan’s annoyance, Edward chuckled. “Ah ha! So you do think about me then!”

Jonathan looked up to see Edward looking at him with an ungodly smirk on his face. It made Jonathan want to do terrible things with-to him, both. He looked back at his book with a dismissive huff and Edward laughed again.


	6. Three Little Words

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

Jonathan scowled. “Like that. I can’t stand your smug face.”

Edward’s grin spread even wider. “Oh no? That’s not what I heard not five minutes ago.”

Jonathan grit his teeth. “Don’t read too much into it. I wasn’t in my right mind.”

Edward laughed and Jonathan knew he’d said the wrong thing. “My, my! I know I’m marvelous in bed, but to be able to have that kind of effect on the Master of Fear himself!”

“Not remotely what I meant, you egotistical fool!”

Edward chuckled again, then smiled fondly at Jonathan. It made his chest constrict a bit, in a way that wasn’t totally unpleasant. “Say it again.”

Jonathan stubbornly folded his arms and glared at his partner. “I will absolutely not.”

Edward jut out his lower lip in a pout. “Oh, come on. Please?”

“Never.”

Edward scooted over a bit to Jonathan side of the bed, the sheets slipping a bit as he did so, which reminded Jonathan that they were both still very much nude. Edward leaned up and nuzzled his neck. “Please, Jon?” He pressed a feather-light kiss just under his earlobe. “Say it again?”

Jonathan sighed. “Will you leave me alone if I do?”

“Absolutely not,” Edward answered. Then he whispered into Jonathan’s ear. “But I’ll make it worth your while.”

Jonathan leaned back against the headboard, defeated. “Fine,” he said. “You narcissistic, preening child. I love you.”

Edward made a happy noise then lay his head against Jonathan’s chest. “I love you too, you ghoul.”


	7. An Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward gets a visitor.

_Knock, knock._

Edward cracked an eye open at the noise and frowned. Was that someone at the front door? He glanced over at the clock on his dresser. 3:45 am. Edward shut his eye and settled back against the pillow. Whoever it was, if there was someone out there, could go to Hell.

_Knock, knock, knock._

Edward got out of is bed with a growl. “Riddle me this,” he shouted as he stomped to his front door. “What happens when you wake up the most intelligent super criminal in Gotham at three in the morning?” He threw open his door and nearly dropped his jaw at the person in his doorway. “Jonathan?”

Jonathan Crane stood there, panting, one hand held at his side. In the dim light of his apartment hallway, Edward could see that Jonathan was covering a bleeding wound. “Edward,” he murmured. “Edward-”Jonathan took one step into the apartment before he tipped over.

Edward quickly reacted, catching the spindly man before he could fall face first into the carpet. “Jesus!” He dragged Jonathan over to his sofa and lay him down gently, wincing at the sight of the bleeding gash in Jonathan’s side. He ran back to his bedroom to grab his cell phone off the dresser. “If you die, I’m going to kill you,” he said, dialing a familiar number. “Hello, Oswald? Remember that favor you owe me? Well, consider this cashing in…”


	8. An Expected Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follows directly from the previous chapter.

Jonathan woke up to a soft surface, a throbbing pain in his side and bright lights. Bright green lights. He shut his eyes almost as soon as he opened them, but not soon enough. “Oh good! You’re still alive!”

Jonathan opened his eyes again and saw Edward, sitting in a chair next to him. Edward’s ever-present smug grin was on his face, though he took note of the dark bags under his eyes. “How are you feeling?” Edward asked.

Jonathan huffed. “Like I got stabbed by a derelict in the Narrows, smartass.”

“Is that any way to speak to the man who saved your life?”

Jonathan sighed. He should have expected that Edward would lord that over him. He heard the younger man chuckle. “You fainted straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“Fuck off, Edward. I only came here because Jervis is in Arkham and I had no other option.”

Jonathan was surprised to see Edward’s smirk falter a bit. “Well. In that case, you can get yourself off my couch and out of my door as soon as you’re ambulatory! And next time you get in a fight with a would-be test subject, you can bleed to death in a gutter!” Edward looked like he was about to get up when Jonathan, rather impulsively, reached out to grab his wrist.

“Just this once,” he said. “Thank you, Edward.” He hesitated for a moment, then gently squeezed his hand. He wasn’t surprised when Edward squeezed back.


	9. The Worst Man Who Ever Lived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one time Jonathan felt guilt.

Jonathan would be the first to admit that he was not a good person. He felt no shame or guilt at the witless terror that he caused, the pain he’d inflicted on the lackwits that inhabited this cesspool of a city.

No shame or guilt whatsoever, until the person he had hurt was Edward.

He’d gotten a bit too close to him when he was working down in the basement. He’d come up too quickly, so quiet that Jonathan hadn’t heard him, hadn’t been aware of his presence until he’d felt a hand on his shoulder and whirled around, injecting his formula into the intruder out of pure instinct. He hadn’t realized it was Edward until far too late. 

Now, Jonathan held his lover tightly in his arms, rocked him gently, murmured insufficient apologies and useless nothings into his ears and waited for the toxin to run its course. All the while Edward gasped for breath, shrieked and cried, begging his long-dead father to not hit him.

In a few moments of lucidity, Edward clung onto Jonathan’s shirt. “Don’t leave me,” he choked out, tears streaming down his face. A year ago and Jonathan would have been satisfied to have brought the vain man to this state. Now, he felt like the worst person to have ever lived. “Jon, don’t go, don’t leave me, don’t leave me,”

Jonathan kissed his face as the tears continued to stream down. “I won’t. I’m here.” Jonathan realized that his own vision was blurring. How long had it been since he’d cried? Twenty years? Twenty-five? “I’m not goin’ anywhere, darlin’. I promise.”


	10. He Cleans Up Nicely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan can be presentable when he feels like it.

“Jonathan!” Edward shouted down the hall. “Are you almost ready? We need to leave in five minutes!”

“Almost,” he heard Jonathan call from their bedroom. “Settle down.”

Edward huffed, then looked at his watch. 6:45. They had a meeting at the Iceberg Lounge with a few of the other Rogues regarding some new plan Oswald had cooked up. This would also be the first Rogue meeting that they would be attending since they’d become romantically involved. Needless to say, Edward wanted to make a strong impression. He checked his watch again. 6:46. “Jonathan!”

“Alright, alright, I’m comin’! You’re acting like I’m holding you up!”

“Well, you’ve been back there for almost twenty minutes! What on Earth are you doing? You never take this long to get ready for anything! You don’t even take the time to comb your hair before-” Jonathan emerged from their bedroom and Edward’s complaint died on his lips. 

Jonathan was dressed in a brown suit that was well-fitted and made him look professorial, as opposed to his usual taste. His brown hair, usually left in a bird’s nest, was neatly combed back. He looked almost like an entirely different person. Jonathan’s eyes caught Edward staring at him and he stopped. “What?” he asked.

Edward, for the first time in a long time, was speechless. “Wow,” he said finally. “You look…amazing.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Not now, Edward. Let’s go get this damn meeting over with-”

“No!” Edward said, grabbing Jonathan’s wrist. “I mean it! You look great!”

Jonathan looked a bit suspicious at him. “Lying doesn’t become you, Edward.”

“Do I ever lie?” Edward huffed. “I obfuscate, certainly. Maybe at times, I exaggerate, but I _never_ lie. It’s part of my pathology.” He stood on his tip toes to give Jonathan a quick kiss on the cheek. “If I say you look great then you look great.”

Jonathan scoffed but smiled a bit, just the same. “Flatterer. Now, let’s go.”


	11. Pillow Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon and Ed, post canoodling.

Jonathan discarded the used condom and tissues in the wastebasket by their bed before he lay back down on top of Edward, still coming down from the exhilaration of their lovemaking. No sooner did he lay back down did he feel Edward’s arms wrap around him.

“Did you enjoy yourself?” he heard his lover ask. 

Jonathan looked at Edward’s face, pink, flushed and with a smug, expectant look on his face, waiting no doubt to be told just what an exceptional lover he was. He was, but Jonathan saw no point in indulging him that easily. He grunted and lay back down, trying not to let on just how much Edward’s scowl amused him. Edward it seemed, would not be so easily deterred from getting the validation he craved. “Well,” he continued, peppering kisses alongside Jonathan’s jaw, “I did. What you lack in any kind of social graces you most certainly make up for in your anatomy.”

“Do you,” Jonathan sighed. “Ever get tired of hearing yourself talk?”

“Never,” Edward answered defiantly. “Besides,” he added with a smirk, “Not ten minutes ago, you were very much enjoying the sounds I was making.”

“Yes,” Jonathan admitted. “But you weren’t exactly talkin’, now were you darlin’?”

The endearment had its desired effect as Edward’s smirk was replaced by another flush and a smile that on any other man, would be sweet. Jonathan leaned down and the pair exchanged a slow kiss, then another. They separated briefly so Jonathan could rub his long fingers through Edward’s tousled hair. “I did,” Jonathan admitted. “Very much.” He placed a kiss on Edward’s forehead, which made the man underneath him purr. Jonathan slid over to lay on his back and Edward rested his head on his chest, his face resting directly over Jonathan’s heart.

“Did you wanna do anythin’ else today?” Jonathan found himself asking. His drawl was becoming more pronounced the more relaxed he was. Or perhaps, he was allowing it to come out because he knew Edward enjoyed it. The things he did for this man. 

“Yes,” Edward said, encircling his arms around Jonathan’s slender frame. “This.”

Jonathan felt a small smile come to his own face and he began to rub Edward’s back. This was just fine with him.


	12. Power Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan is a possessive man.

It was a well-known fact in the Rogues circle that Jonathan Crane and Selina Kyle did not care for each other. Not one little bit. He thought her a flippant, arrogant, common thief and she thought he was a sadistic ghoul. Normally, they would take great care to avoid the other when out on the ‘job’, or at the rare social events they would both attend. Unfortunately for both of them, since Jonathan had begun a serious relationship with Selina’s close friend, Edward Nigma, the two had to swallow their distaste and occasionally deal with each other.

That didn’t mean they had to like it.

They were at a New Year’s Eve party hosted by Oswald at The Iceberg Lounge now, Jonathan sitting at a table with Jervis, Selina speaking with Edward at the bar, her hand on Edward’s shoulder, her lips whispering something into Edward’s ear. Occasionally, she looked back towards Jonathan at his table, making sure he could see every time she touched _his_ lover and smirking. Jonathan’s grip tightened on his glass so tightly it almost shattered in his hand.

“Now now, March Hare,” Jervis consoled. “She‘s just trying to get a rise out of you. Dormouse would never-”

“I know he wouldn’t, Jervis,” Jonathan interrupted. He’d kill her first. Selina leaned in close to Edward, her lips almost touching his cheek and that was the last fucking straw. He gulped down the last of his whiskey in one gulp, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and got up from his chair, marching towards the bar and sending other Rogues fleeing out of his path. There was exactly one person on God’s green Earth who had the right to touch Edward so intimately, and it sure as shit wasn’t Selina fucking Kyle.

Neither noticed Jonathan approaching until he laid a hand on Edward’s shoulder, turning the man around. “Hello, Dearest!” he chirped. “Having fun out and-mmph!” Edward was cut off by Jonathan pulling him into a kiss, all but pushing Selina out of the way. Edward made a few noises of surprise, but one bite on his lower lip and the man was putty in Jonathan’s hands. He ignored the catcalls from the other Rogues, focusing instead on the irritated look on Kyle’s face and the little moans Edward was making. _Did you ever make him moan like this, Kyle?_ Somehow he thought not. Finally, after an eternity, Jonathan pulled away to allow them a chance to breathe. Edward nearly collapsed against the bar, looking dazed. “Not that I’m complaining, Jonathan,” he said, “But where did that come from?”

Jonathan didn’t answer him at first, looking smugly at Selina. _Whatever you might have been to him, he is mine now._ She rolled her eyes. “Territorial much, Spooky?”

Jonathan chuckled. “I can’t simply be affectionate with _my_ lover in public?”

“Yes, you can,” Edward piped up.

Selina scoffed. “Uh huh.”


	13. Spooky Boo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon detests pet names.

Jonathan had shut his eyes an hour ago but wasn’t asleep. On a good night, it could take him anywhere from two to four hours between lying down and actually sleeping. He wouldn’t even be in bed normally, except Edward typically fell asleep long before Jonathan did and got pouty if he had to fall asleep alone. Edward was curled against Jonathan’s side, nuzzling his neck. Jonathan couldn’t deny it felt a bit nice. Just as he was nodding off to sleep, he heard the words that would haunt him forever.

“I love you, my spooky boo.”

Jonathan’s eyes flew wide open and he sat straight up, jostling Edward in the process. He turned to his partner and fixed him with a cold look. “Edward,” he said. “What in the Hell did you just call me?”

Edward, to his credit, looked just a bit embarrassed. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I wasn’t. Now, what did you just call me?”

Edward looked down, unable to meet Jonathan’s gaze. He picked a bit at the comforter before he repeated the evil words. “Spooky boo.”

“Spooky boo,” Jonathan repeated. “Edward, we’ve talked about this.”

“Really, Jon?” Edward argued. “I can’t have one pet name for you?”

“You may absolutely not. I will be dead and buried before I ever let you call me something so infantile as ‘spooky boo.”

Edward pouted. “You don’t complain when I call you ‘dearest’.”

“That’s an endearment, not a pet name. I hear any more pet names, I’m going to go sleep in the basement.”

Edward threw up his hands. “Fine, Jon, fine! No pet names!” Jonathan nodded, then lay back down. A few minutes passed before he heard Edward mutter. “Rotten old ghoul.”

That he could allow.


	14. Monday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical morning for Ed and Jon.

Jonathan awakes every morning to a solid, warm mass curled up to his side. Every morning, he instinctually moves to shove the mass away, when his eyes open fully and he sees a mess of auburn hair, and a face. Edward’s face. Edward is the first to go to sleep, but the last to waken, loving his sleep. Jonathan pats him, a bit awkwardly, on the head. Sometimes it wakes him up. Other times, like today, Edward lets out a grunt and shifts but makes no other sign of waking up. Jonathan lies back in bed for a little while longer, enjoying his partner’s warmth before getting out of bed. There’s work to do.

Jonathan can’t cook anything more complex than toast and ramen, but he can brew coffee, so when Edward emerges from the shower about an hour later, already dressed and coiffed for the day, Jonathan has a pot ready for him. “Good morning, dearest!” Edward says with a smile and a peck on Jonathan’s cheek.

Jonathan hums a greeting back. This is enough for Edward though, who makes himself a cup of coffee and then joins Jonathan at the kitchen table. Edward grabs the front page of the paper and reads the headline. “’Joker escapes from Arkham.’ Must be a day that ends in ‘Y’.”

Jonathan hums again. Edward looks up from the paper to give him a look. “You’re in fine voice today, Jonathan.”

Jonathan lets out a grunt this time and he holds back a smirk at the irritated look on Edward’s face. It is fun to wind up his lover so. 

“Well,” Edward said. “With Batman chasing Joker, that means he and the GCPD will be preoccupied.” A smile lights up his face. “We could capitalize on that, you know.”

Jonathan shakes his head. “My newest batch won’t be ready for a few more days.”

Edward pouts a bit but shakes his head. “Oh well. To tell the truth, I need to come up with some new riddles as well. Joker may be content with repeating the same antics over and over again, but some of us value originality.”

“So you’ll be hangin’ around here today?”

“Yes. Well, I might step out for a bit to see Oswald about a shipment he has coming in, but that won’t be until this evening. I assume you’ll be basement bound again?”

“For some time, yes.”

“Fine. Just don’t forget to actually eat today. I don’t want to have to bring a plate of food down those stairs again.” Jonathan rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything. Edward can be a nagging pain in the ass, but nagging is preferable to screaming. He finishes the last of his toast in one bite and then stands up from the table.

“Well, I’m off.”

Edward gives him a pointed look. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Jonathan pauses, then remembers. He leans back down over the table to give his lover a kiss. “There. Happy?”

Edward smiles. “Yes. Have a good day at the office dear!”

Jonathan rolls his eyes again, but with a fondness this time, before he treks down to the basement.


	15. Jonathan Was Born Sick of This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan has to take care of a drunk Edward and hates every second of it.

“Riddle me this,” Edward slurred more than spoke. “What’s long, thin, and has cum in it?”

Jonathan gripped the steering wheel of his car tighter than was necessary and grit his teeth. “I’m not dignifying that with a response, Edward.”

“A cucumber!” Edward guffawed, before dissolving into drunken giggles. Jonathan rolled his eyes. This was the last time he accompanied Edward to one of Kyle’s drinking parties. This was the last fucking time. Next time, Edward could take a goddamn cab home. He felt a hand jostling his shoulder and it took all he had not to snap. “Your turn, Jon! Tell me a riddle.”

“I will absolutely not indulge you, Edward.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Edward’s smile drop into a pout. “That ain’t gonna work on me, so don’t even try.”

Edward crossed his arms and sulked against the seat. “You’re just jealous that you can’t come up with anything clever, like me!”

“Yes, that must be it,” Jonathan drawled. “It’s not like I have to deal with my drunk as a skunk partner and hope he doesn’t throw up all over himself before we get home. Again.”

“That was one time, Jonathan! Jonathan, Jonny, Spooky Boo!” Edward giggled again. “My Spooky Boo!”

Jonathan took a deep breath before he pulled over and beat Edward to death with his tire iron. “We’ve talked about this, Edward. No pet names.”

Edward pouted again but mercifully remained silent for the rest of the drive home. When Jonathan finally pulled up into their driveway, he went to open the front door of their house first before walking to the passenger’s side to collect Edward. No sooner did he open the door did Edward launch himself at him, almost knocking them down onto the asphalt. “Jonny!!” Edward cried out. “Carry me!”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to, which I don’t,” Jonathan grumbled. He through one of Edward’s arms over his shoulders and tried as much as he could to support his lover, given his thin frame. “You can either walk or be dragged.” Edward luckily could still walk, and slowly, the two super-villains made their way into the dark house. The only sound Jonathan heard upon entering was Nightmare’s indignant cawing. “I know, I know,” Jonathan said, shutting the door behind them. “It’s 3 AM.”

“Is that our baby?” Edward asked.

“Nightmare is not our baby,” Jonathan answered, guiding them down the hallway to their bedroom. “He is my pet raven.”

“Noo,” Edward cooed. “He’s our baby boy!”

“He’s almost ten years old, Edward. He’s not a baby in any damn sense of the term.” They arrived in the bedroom, finally, and Jonathan not too gently dropped Edward onto their bed. He pulled back to assist him in removing his shoes when Edward pulled him into a sloppy kiss. When he pulled away, Jonathan noticed that his face was flush, and not just from drink. Aw Hell…

“Jon,” Edward said in that low tone that he knew warmed his blood. “I want you…”

Jonathan would be the first to admit that he was not a good man. He was downright evil, actually. He also, however, still had standards. He pulled away and gave his lover a stern look. “No, Edward.”

An outraged look came over his face. “No!? Why?”

“You aren’t yourself right now Edward,” Jonathan answered, returning to the task of removing Edward’s shoes. He was glad that Edward had dressed casually and no further undressing of him was required. “I will not touch you until you sober up.”

“I’m not that drunk!” Edward protested. He attempted to set himself up. “I am the Riddler! I am the King of Conundrums! The Prince of Puzzlers! No amount of cheap vodka can dull my intellect! I…I…” a queasy look came over his face. “I think I need to lie back down.” He collapsed back onto the bed.

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Goodnight, sweet prince.” He moved to get off the bed when he felt Edward’s hand grab his own. “Yes?”

Edward hesitated for a moment, then spoke in a serious tone. “I don’t know how you’ve put up with me for this long, but I love you for it.”

Jonathan turned in surprise. Edward’s face had a serious, almost sad look. This was why Jonathan hated when he drank. Sooner or later, the part of Edward that hated himself, the part of him that he’d tried so hard to bury under the flash, the riddles, the bravado would make its appearance. Jonathan leaned down to kiss Edward’s forehead. “You know I love you, darlin’. Even when you behave like a goddamn fool.”

Edward let out a giggle at that, and the mood was broken. “You love me,” he said in a sing-song voice. “I knew it.”

Jonathan rolled his eyes again. “Go to sleep, Edward.”


End file.
